Becoming a Graduate
It's been three months since my last post and although I've never had a strict blogging schedule; three months is a very long time by my standards. Honestly I haven't had the time to post anything in the last months of my undergraduate degree. Can you believe I've finished uni??!! I've spent 3 years living in Bath with no money, feeling stressed and anxious - it's been good too, I promise! But it's safe to say I'm very happy to have handed in my final assignments and never have to worry about university again (until I attend graduation in July, obviously).
So now, hopefully, I can begin blogging again. However at the moment my confidence and motivation for writing and sharing it on the internet is at a low - I think this is because I've spent my degree dedicated to reading and writing excessively and maybe I need a break.
I submitted my final assignments three weeks ago and am now (not so) patiently awaiting my grades. I had three individual creative writing portfolios due in one week, luckily I was a student who was well prepared, maybe even over prepared for the work I had to do and so, I finished my work way ahead of the deadlines but I had this stupid fear/worry of submitting early because I thought it wouldn't be good enough and ideally I should just wait until the submission date. And I thought my tutors would be criticising me for submitting early... Yes, I don't understand my brain either, it gifts me with a lot of unwanted stress and anxiety about situations which are absolutely ridiculous and irrational. Isn't anxiety wonderful?
Reflecting on my time at university, from the very awkward, uncomfortable and absolutely frightened girl on her first day to the still awkward, but confident, curious and motivated person I have become. I don't quite know how to explain it but I am very different from the person I was before I started my degree. Looking back I don't recognise myself. University has pushed me out of my comfort zone so many times and so hard I've had no choice but to adapt. And now, I feel much more confident being me and doing everything I want to do. The last year especially, I feel as if I have truly grown into myself, into my body and who I want to be. I know what I want and I'm mostly certain about what happens next. I know I can handle literally anything life throws at me because, bloody hell my university journey has not been smooth. Through very, very bad mental health episodes, isolation and loneliness, my nan passing away, and both my mum and sister being unwell too, it's been hell. Absolute hell that I would not put myself through again, although I kinda want to apply for a masters in a few years (someone needs to talk me out of this and remind me that education is not good for my mental health). If someone asked me whether it was worth applying for university I would like to say no, don't put yourself through that, but in all honesty university has been the best thing for me in terms of the opportunities I've been given, my career prospects and my personal growth. A degree is hard work, regardless of any personal situations in life coming at me, but somehow I managed it, somehow I survived. I've changed, not so much in my interests and who I present myself as because I still very much hate clubbing and nights out and parties (the things you might think are expected at uni), and that will never change. I'm still anxious and suffering with mental illness but my three years at university have taught me how to deal with that, how to identify my triggers and how to manage loneliness, even though I cried nearly every single night for as long as I can remember. The main point coming out of university as a fresh graduate is I know what I like doing and what I want to do with my career and how to get there!
Reflecting on my time at university, from the very awkward, uncomfortable and absolutely frightened girl on her first day to the still awkward, but confident, curious and motivated person I have become. I don't quite know how to explain it but I am very different from the person I was before I started my degree. Looking back I don't recognise myself. University has pushed me out of my comfort zone so many times and so hard I've had no choice but to adapt. And now, I feel much more confident being me and doing everything I want to do. The last year especially, I feel as if I have truly grown into myself, into my body and who I want to be. I know what I want and I'm mostly certain about what happens next. I know I can handle literally anything life throws at me because, bloody hell my university journey has not been smooth. Through very, very bad mental health episodes, isolation and loneliness, my nan passing away, and both my mum and sister being unwell too, it's been hell. Absolute hell that I would not put myself through again, although I kinda want to apply for a masters in a few years (someone needs to talk me out of this and remind me that education is not good for my mental health). If someone asked me whether it was worth applying for university I would like to say no, don't put yourself through that, but in all honesty university has been the best thing for me in terms of the opportunities I've been given, my career prospects and my personal growth. A degree is hard work, regardless of any personal situations in life coming at me, but somehow I managed it, somehow I survived. I've changed, not so much in my interests and who I present myself as because I still very much hate clubbing and nights out and parties (the things you might think are expected at uni), and that will never change. I'm still anxious and suffering with mental illness but my three years at university have taught me how to deal with that, how to identify my triggers and how to manage loneliness, even though I cried nearly every single night for as long as I can remember. The main point coming out of university as a fresh graduate is I know what I like doing and what I want to do with my career and how to get there!
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| I made a children's picture book about space this year! |
I've finished university, I've moved back home and I'm searching for jobs in either digital marketing, content writing/producing, or editing. And that's all I've got so far.* I want to catch up on my 2019 reading goal which I've fallen behind on recently. There's been so many good books published and now I've got a seemingly endless amount of time on my hands (for the time being, won't be saying this once I've got a full-time job) I can read everything!!!
I guess this is kind of a post to say 'hi I do still exist and this is where I'm at with life and I will be updating my blog again'.
*I've actually had my first graduate interview in London in a digital marketing job and I'm sooooo hoping to be successful!
I guess this is kind of a post to say 'hi I do still exist and this is where I'm at with life and I will be updating my blog again'.
*I've actually had my first graduate interview in London in a digital marketing job and I'm sooooo hoping to be successful!
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