Health Should Be a Priority

This blog can be an outlet for me to let out my frustrations and today's post is going to be just that. 

Diabetes often feels to me like something that annoys the people around me, inconveniences them. I feel like a burden simply talking about it because people can't do anything about it, they can't get rid of it for me. If I talk about it, it's brief and only in passing.

But let's be honest I will talk about it to the death because it's my life, my reality every single day and I'm still learning about it.

Diabetes is very difficult to manage and every day is a brand new battle with unpredictable outcomes. To be even more honest, I'm struggling to manage it. The last few months I've kinda just forgotten about it, pushed it to the side, which I know is a dangerous thing to do. And I'm suffering from it. I'm not well. I haven't been feeling 100% for months. I am so so SO tired. I'm constantly urinating (and boy does my flat mate KNOW), especially during the night so my sleep is disturbed on a daily basis. I'm not eating particularly well, because honestly, I can't be bothered. Eating healthily ALL the time and avoiding sugary snacks and treats is not easy. I like carbs but diabetes doesn't. I like carbs because I run and I need those carbs to be able to run. My sugars are constantly up and down, there's no balance. 

I've been ignoring it, pretending like the consequences of persistent high blood sugars won't affect me but I was wrong. It is affecting me, both physically and mentally. Being under such a strict regime of control means undoubtedly I will lose control at some point, it's impossible to keep doing it all the time. It's draining, time consuming, ANNOYING.  Diabetes is so annoying and inconvenient and every negative adjective in the dictionary. 

I know I can't keep this up. I know I need to regain control before the side effects take a serious turn for the worst and I'm in hospital. I've had a push in the right direction after talking to a doctor about it and THANK GOD. I needed it. I needed someone else to know that I was struggling, that I wasn't looking after myself. I needed to stop hiding it. I needed to stop pretending like I wasn't constantly thirsty or missing sleep, or missing meals and insulin. It helps that I like my GP, she makes me feel comfortable and she understands, she doesn't patronise me or lecture me like some doctors and specialists have done in the past. So now I'm more encouraged and willing to regain some control over my blood sugars, which means a lot of hard work. A lot more blood sugar testing, a careful and responsible diet and excessive carbohydrate counting, which sucks but it has to be done or else I'll regret it in the long term. 

Sometimes I forget how serious my condition is, and can be. It gets lost sometimes. It's not my main priority when I'm stressed with university which is exactly what is happening lately. I'm stressed and worrying and working myself to the point of breaking. My health needs to come first, always. This post is here to say that exactly, to remind myself that I need to make my health a priority. In the last few days I have been getting my sugar levels back under control and I'm already reaping the benefits from it. I don't feel so lethargic or thirsty, my skin feels good, I feel good. I can concentrate again, I can read and take it all in without having to re-read. I can think coherently, my brain isn't scrambled because there isn't any excess sugar in my body. The irony of me trying to get my health back in order on Easter weekend. But I can do it. I can be good and treat myself to chocolate as long as I carb count and administrate the correct amount of insulin.

So yeah, diabetes sucks but what can ya do?